211

All right, I'm officially a fatass.

I weighed in yesterday at 211 pounds. I have a small frame, thin arms and legs and stand barely over 5'10". I have stuggled with weight most of my life. I first put on weight in grade school, somewhere between first and second grade. I was the "fat kid" in class until I hit puberty. Once that happened, I was a rail. I stayed skinny until right about the time I got married. Then I put on a pound or two, but nothing serious until the kids came. The next thing I knew, I weighed about 220 pounds. I was not happy, I was not healthy.

I decided to join Jenny Craig and within three months, I was back to my high school weight (165). I managed to keep it off for several years, but as time and laziness crept in, I started to gain some back. Sometimes I could get control of it, sometimes I couldn't.

A few years ago, I had crept back up to close to 200 pounds so I went on Weight Watchers. Using their program, I lost all the weight again and again, kept it off until now. I just have lost my will power. It's not the excercise because I ride a stationary bike pretty much everyday. My problem is (a) snacking at work and (b) snacking in the evenings. As evidenced above, when I focus on it, I can lose weight pretty quickly, but it's getting that focus that has been hard for me lately.

You know what's annoying? You always hear about how women are forced to be thin and saddled with body image issues, but no one cares when it happens to a man. It's completely emasculating to be the fat guy, trust me. No one takes you as seriously. Plus, all the weight loss programs are geared for women. When I went to Jenny Craig, I almost turned around and left because it was so feminine in its approach. Is it so far-fetched to believe guys want to lose weight too?

Maybe if I track my progress here, it will help me get my focus back.